iammyown.journey

in 3 days :31/1/2:

2009-01-02T17:36:00.000-08:00

so much life in everyday,
how is it possible
that people miss
the daily adventures
for 'normalcy'?
i am not someone who finds
contentment
drolling the day along
waiting for the passing
of this or that,
no.
life is amazing in the moment
and while
turbulent and unpredictable
it is the best
embraced fully,
and i love
completely
all the things i experience-
like watching love
happen close and far...

-action-
a decision based on emotion
....irrational, illogical.....
you--------------------separate
..............things....................
based on 'vibes'
........................aural vibration?
some of us suffer the consequence
of your actions.
it does not serve
to punish those who work hard
---------------------------------&
--------------------------------love
-------------------------------deeply.

and it passes.
things come and go
they happen and must expire.
--------------------------------------------i find that in two
--------------------------------------------days time, wherein time-
--------------------------------------------must pass
--------------------------------------------without action on my part,
my emotions become
my experiences.
i find resolve;
day two-
i become resolute.
to wait,
be patient,
for the order of things is
------------------------------& is
------------------------------------& is
-----------------------------------------& is.
meanwhile i am
present even though
i release attachment------------------------through asana
because i am not my body,
i am not my mind,
i am enjoying the experience of life.
i
experience
the rollercoaster
of emotions
in *patient* limbo.
-------------------------------------------------sobbing as
-------------------------------------------------pigeon & camel
-------------------------------------------------help me to
-------------------------------------------------release all
-------------------------------------------------that does
-------------------------------------------------not serve me.
i smile on these things
i wish them well,
and all the love the universe has to offer.
i do this selflessly, because-
i know-----------------------------------------there exists
love and support of me,
by me; because i am my own.

sunday insecurity

2009-01-02T17:22:00.000-08:00

14.december.2008

hush.
i hear you,
whisper in my
ear:
*not good enough*
-go away-
dance in & out of my head
all day.
aren't you tired?
can't you give it a rest?
why not care a little less?
how much more persistent
you pick!
when i give you,
gift wrapped,
my vulnerabilities.
i witness you abuse

-----------------------------------------of me,
and quite frankly,
there's no excuse.
only love, my friend,
dig this:
understand
that you are a part of me
and we-
are love.
a translucent,
transcendent love,
and you are the opaque plaque
some scum,
a flim,
to distort-
---------------------------------------yet i retort!
you may not control me,
you are temporary,
just a silly, stupid
inadequate, unjust insecurity!
--------------------------------------------so, go away.

lunar cycle 12.december.2008

2009-01-02T17:17:00.000-08:00

it maybe then 10 days
between pages
that i've come to realize-
in distressed
pms-
that you understand me,
and care enough
to share
the sudden, and dull aches,
the gripping anxiety,
and hilarious irrationality,
that come and go.
they are a part of me,
my cycle of crazy,
and during the turbulent
crashing waves of sordid psychosis,
you make me dinner
in a warm house.
the love i give myself is returning
far greater
than i expected
-an investment multiplied-
and it is profound.
creating a bank,
debts and credits
all paid in sentiments
and sensitivity.
best yet,
you know
that i feel gratitude
and adoration
for you intentions;
and i know
just how genuine you are.
my heart is
your ultimate observer,
hiding deep inside me,
through my false arguments, insecurities,
inconsiderations-
it beats true and loud enough for you to hear {maybe}: i love you!

31.october.2008

2009-01-02T17:12:00.000-08:00

scared.
just a lil' bit fearful
of what i want,
can't shake these thoughts of a future,
that doesn't exist.
won't exist,
not yet.
someday it'll be present
and then past,
but now its too far ahead to see,
a large looming
shadowy figure in a distance-
measured in time;
the lengths of which
i anticipate to travel.

asana 31.july.2008

2009-01-02T16:16:00.000-08:00

letting go
taking it all in
and
letting it go
the pain
the joy
the embarrassment
the confidence
the connection
the disconnect------------------------------today Ella
breath---------------------------------------taught class
trust
healing
and change----------------------------------and i got
-----------------------------------------------distracted,
-----------------------------------------------and i was
-----------------------------------------------focused,
-----------------------------------------------i maintained my
-----------------------------------------------presence without
-----------------------------------------------judgment
i saw
-witnessed-
the rhythm of my steady breath in Ella's voice,
her soft cadence
lifted my body through dancing warrior
my grounded legs stood wide, firm & low
but my heart lifted high.
my arm reaching as though it had no
limit or weight
extended with earnest energy.
i found my true height in TREE
the grounded
trunk
held firmly
by solid roots
(my toes reach through the mat
like sand on a disappearing beach,
i wiggle my toes
and picture, suddenly:
-----------------------------------------------the white dunes
-----------------------------------------------in New Mexico,
-----------------------------------------------the hot reflecting
-----------------------------------------------sun off the bleached
-----------------------------------------------white salty sands
-----------------------------------------------and little tracks
-----------------------------------------------from road runners
-----------------------------------------------reminders of creatures
-----------------------------------------------and energy all aligned
-----------------------------------------------in a symbiotic space)
i create.
large extensive branches
reaching
swaying
displaying, so proudly
as i grow.
to dancer's
a pose through which
i believe- i am expressed
thoroughly.
my confident gaze
coming not just from
my eyes
but my whole being.
focused on a point,
balanced at a point;
where my extension in every direction
is equidistant
solid
and
strong.
and organically
as i let every posture pass,
as each breath passes,
i see existence
and energy
and i die, i become a corpse.
death passes
through
me
my shoulders splayed widely,
they sink heavy into the ground
and my light
shines inward
i use my 3rd eye
to examine
the obstacles i've overcome in the
most recently passed preset state.

in warrior----------------------------------i fought
----------------------------------------------my desire
----------------------------------------------for attention
and just shone
with a light all my own.

in tree ------------------------------------- i embraced
----------------------------------------------my independence
and rejoiced
for my freedom.

in dancer's -------------------------------- i overcame
----------------------------------------------the rejection
----------------------------------------------i battle and
----------------------------------------------began to open
my heart
so that love was projected.

and then settled,
embraced these things to relinquish-
and died.
change;
a metamorphosis
in rebirth
in meditation
through postures,
respect,
patience,
and breath.
i can change.
i can change.
i am changed.
and forever changing...

the gingko trees that line Emerson
on my way home
happily tickle the sky with their
spoon shaped leaves.
oak leaves scoop upward to drink
in the rains from the morning
and delight in the sun's rays.
i have been a tree today,
i admire them all
and
know what is is to be a tree.
thanks to nature for
existence
the divine in everything
the divine in me
that as it exists
i let go to make the experiences complete.
:namaste:

-i'm in transit, from msp to atl to nyc-

2009-01-02T15:47:00.000-08:00

12.september.2008

i suppose i'm a bit tired;
i didn't work very hard yesterday
yet it feels like whatever
recent residual exhaustion is
sitting in my lap
in this uncomfortably
cramped airplane seat.
my focus turned in ward...
i sat
with my hands palms facing up.
eyes-
looking and not judging
the space where my 3rd eye centers.
lost in the space
and time of existence.
my head grows heavy
and sways
to my left
then
to my right,
i seem to wake
and feel my hands;
left palm pressing against the
back of the right
and i come back to focus,

i feel a bit euphoric
exhausted
and
enlightened.

some things seem so simple
and others camouflage in
complicated costumes
masquerading around to prey
and manipulate
situations, emotions, reactions.
to stir
to excite
and upset,
and all exist
for none to dismiss,
because they all pass.
albeit time often seems relative,
it too passes
and does so without
regard to the simple things
or complicated.
even in space
time does not cease-
i contemplate as we glide
30,000 feet above the trees.

surprisingly
today, my meditations mid-flight
mirror the passing images
-and sense of grounded physicality-
that i find in child's pose.
passing breaths,
passing thoughts,
the sweet feeling of circulation
of blood from
head to toe.
stopping at my hips
to alleviate
the weight
and stress
and wait-
desire.
i focus less on relinquishing
my desire
which interrupts the passing nature of things.
and i stop to
"think"
or dwell
or sink
on an image that existed,
a feeling that persisted,
parked at the forefront
of my brain;

i smile because i can recognize,
respect and reflect,
on how these things, that-
are not me
but simply experiences
and existence in the here,
time,
and now,
space.